Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Some of you already know that yesterday was something other than just my Natal Day.
It was also the 9th anniversary of the day my sweety lost his long battle with cancer.

Nine years is a long time
and not

I still miss him every day, but not with the fierce pain of the first few years.
and although I will admit to feeling weepy last week, I'm okay with allowing myself to enjoy my birthday

that has a lot to do with the people that I have in my life.

- Nadie who always tries to be with me on that day [ and let's not forget that it's a tough day for her too ]
- The Boy who spent half the afternoon on two trains to get up here late Monday, knowing that he'd have to head back the next morning but did it anyway
- my friends Robyn and Jeanette who took me out for lunch after Nadie and Chris left
- my other friend Karen, who ever so casually announced that last night might be a good one to bring David out to see her Christmas lights/ decorations ... and then had nibblies-and-libations and Christmas cheer laid on in abundance once we got there to make sure that we stayed a while.

There were phone calls
There were emails
There were cards

I do know that I am very blessed in my friends

and now I suppose I'd better show you the pressies, eh ??

- books from David [ two more of Jim Butcher's Dresden Files ]
- and more books from Nadie and The Boy [ three Discworlds, so that I now have the first 26 in the set] plus a bottle of a certain cream based liqueur
-there was yarn from my knitting buddy Jeanette - luscious Collinette Jitterbug sock yarn
- this beautiful pendant from Robyn which came in the sweet little silver box
and then
- this teeny cat keyring from Karen who knew full well that it would get hung with the cat Chrissy ornaments. That's why I got it for my birthday rather than Christmas - so that I could enjoy it for an extra 9 days.
and a pin from friend Terry in Melbourne [ blue and cats - nothing more needs to be said really ]

Sometimes people have asked why I put so much time and effort into the Christmas decorating. Well, now you know a large part of the reason behind it.
It's a quite concious coping mechanism at a time of the year when it could be very easy to let things get the better of me

I had no choice in what happened to Marc, but I can choose how I will continue on and I would like the think that he would approve of the choices I've made for myself and for David

and the Christmas spirit will be back in residence tomorrow


Lindi said...

I finished reading your post, Susan, and thought "Wow, What can I say?" I was tempted to not leave a comment but felt silence was worse than saying the wrong thing.
I'm glad you had lovely, caring friends and family around you to bring some smiles to your day.
Your courage inspires us, more than you know.
So, lots of hugs, and Happy Birthday anyway.

Donna Lee said...

You echoed my sentiment exactly. We have no control over what events life throws our way (and my heart ached at the thought of living without my beloved and actually celebrating holidays without him) but we can choose how we react and how we go on. I hope that I would make the choices you have made and with as much grace and love as you show. Happy belated Birthday to you.

Celestial Charms said...

You are truly to be admired for your wisdom in this heartfelt time of year. I'm so glad you have so many love ones offering support. Happy belated birthday and a Merry Christmas.

Charlene said...

That's wonderful you have your family for support at this time of year. Happy belated Birthday, and thank you for sharing your thoughts on such a personal matter. We're here for you and look forward to seeing many more posts on your daily adventures with knitting, quilting, life on the acreage, and your family!

Leah said...

Makes sense to me too - and I'm glad you had such a nice day with your family and friends.

Jack said...

My love and a very Happy Birthday to you.

Pamela said...

I have followed your blog for sometime now, reading your post bought a tear to my eye's, we have to pick ourselves up when pain hit's us, those ones that have passed on wouldn't want us to dwell but to celebrate their lives and hold those memories close to our hearts. Time heals but those memories never fade. BTW, I adore all your santa's and your decorations are out of this world. Happy Belated Birthday and a Merry Christmas to you and yours. xx

Sheepish Annie said...

Happy Birthday! Everyone deserves to celebrate their Natal Day and good for you for letting yourself feel both the happy and the sad.

And you got Discworld Books!!!!! How do you not feel happy when you get a little of the Pratchett for your birthday? And they are probably the really good ones published "across the pond" from where I am. The ones we get seem a little more Americanized and are just not the same, even if it's only in feeling.

Birthday hugs being sent your way from the BFK and the AGK, too. (One more ornament found on the floor today, BTW)

Marcie said...

yes, you are blessed, but deservedly so, I think; what goes around, comes around, no? Your generosity in sharing your feelings - and your decorations - warms my heart too.
The cat key ring is to die for, BTW

Jackie said...

Happy belated birthday. What lovely pressies, I luv the pendant in the silver box. You are a very lucky lady to have such caring & loving friends. And your house looks wonderful again for Christmas.

Sarah said...

Good friends can help us get through the worst of things. You just never know what's around the corner. Your house looks so fun- I'm loving catching up on the pictures of it!

Rose Red said...

Hi Susan - just catching up on hundreds of blog posts as I've been offline while moving - was thinking of you the other day as I remembered December is a sad/happy time for you - glad you have lots of lovely family and friends to look out for you and make sure you are not alone. Hugs and happy birthday, and happy Christmas too! (PS - I voted - you are currently in the lead!)